I’ve spent the last week crying. Tears keep flowing, and I let them.
It’s not because I’m particularly sad about my personal life—I feel the pain and heaviness of this world, the stark polarity of light and dark.
Indeed, there’s much to be sad about these days.
So I’m letting myself feel this pain deeply: my pain, your pain, the pain of the world. Who among us is immune?
Usually when these times of grief and sadness hit, I let myself feel. I can then shift and find my way out of the darkness.
But not this time.
That’s a signal to me that it’s time to turn to my friends and fellow healers. If I’m totally honest, I frequently call upon many friends and healers.
Yep, healers need healers too.
This time I called upon Taos Shamans, Pedro Gonzalez and Gary Cook.
My session was intense, amazing. They pulled a clump of fierce emotion out of me—hatred, anger, frustration and fear. Some of it came from my ancestors, but it was mostly mine.
I’ve worked for a lifetime with skilled practitioners and healers—incredible, transformational, life- and soul-shifting work—and yet still there’s another layer within me.
My reaction: I find this both amazing and ridiculous. Here I am, blessed to help people with their spiritual, emotional and physical pain to the best of my ability. And still I manage to find more of my own.
The only thing I know how to do is to carry on. I choose to be amazed by the incredible nature of the human body, mind and souls. I choose to feel deeply.
I choose to surround myself with friends and healers who can help me find my way out of the darkness.
And I choose love.
Sure, there are plenty of other choices. I can hate, be angry or slump into depression. I can hide. Sometimes that’s exactly what I do—I am human after all. But I won’t stay there; it just doesn’t feel good.
I won’t look away from the pain, even when I want to. I am not choosing to let it fester or consume me either; for me that’s prison.
I choose freedom. I’m grateful that I can make that choice.